New Beginnings
by beatrix-franklin
Summary: A story focused around a new period of Trixie's life and how Shelagh is by her side throughout it.
1. Chapter 1

It was the nausea she noticed first, the sudden need to vomit as soon as the sun filtered through the curtains and awoke her from her restful slumber. The first morning it happened she passed it off as stomach bug. The second morning she was hoping the bug would pass after a few days. On the third morning she awoke agitated, disappointed that her usual Saturday lie in with Christopher had been interrupted and also slightly miffed that he hadn't also contracted the bug. After a week of waking in the same way she began to question whether it could be something more, but she didn't dare hope.

"Please go and see Doctor Turner," Christopher said one morning as he sat beside Trixie rubbing comforting circles on her back while she slumped against his shoulder on the bathroom floor, "As a Nurse you should know that feeling this rotten all the time isn't normal." Trixie shook her head in protest which caused a fresh wave of nausea to pass over her and she leant for the toilet once more. When she'd finished Trixie simply stood up without a word to Christopher and began to get ready for work, acting as if the last half an hour hadn't happened.

"Trixie, please," Christopher pleaded as Trixie continued to button up her uniform, seemingly unaware of his presence. When she didn't respond he stopped her hands by her chest before bringing them to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on each knuckle. "Please," he repeated, as if the word took the last breath from his body, he was desperate.

"I'm scared." Trixie crumbled as she spoke, Christopher caught her as she fell the ground, sobs overtaking her body. He rocked her back and forth gently until her tears eventually subsided. "It's everything I've ever wanted but everything I've always believed I'd never be able to do," Trixie murmured into his shoulder. Christopher sat in stunned silence for a moment, he'd thought Trixie was ill, but at no point had connected the dots and believed that Trixie could be pregnant.

"You will make a wonderful mother Trixie, you already do to Alexandra. And if you are pregnant I'll be beside you through every moment. Through every sleepless night, through every heartbeat through every kick, and through every hormonal mood swing. We will do this together." Christopher finally said once he had composed himself. Trixie lifted her head from where it was nestled in the crook of his neck and her eyes met his, nothing but honesty was reflected back at her. Overcome by affection for the man that had turned her life upside in the best possible way she tugged at his tie gently and pulled his lips to hers, any ounce of worry instantly dissipated. "Now as much as this is a wonderful way to spent my day darling I unfortunately need to get to work," Christopher took a second to examine his wife's face, "Do you still feel sick? You're looking a little peaky again."

"A little bit," Trixie meekly replied. Christopher lifted her from the ground with ease and placed her carefully on the bed.

"I'm calling Nonnatus to let them know you're not coming in today, you're exhausted Trixie you need to rest. You'll be absolutely no use to your patients like this." Trixie didn't have the energy to disagree, instead she nestled further into the pillows and whispered an "I love you" to Christopher as he left.

It was a knock on the front door that eventually woke Trixie from her slumber. She crawled out of bed slowly and wrapped her dressing gown around her uniform clad body, ashamed at herself for falling asleep before she'd had chance to change. The knocking at the door became insistent and Trixie almost tripped over her own feet as she ran to open it.

"Oh Shelagh, come in, hello, I didn't expect to see you," Trixie stuttered, instantly feeling self-conscious about her appearance, it would not do for her work colleague to see her in such a state.

"I'm here on official business I'm afraid." Shelagh's words cause panic within Trixie, was she about to be reprimanded for being off work for simply feeling tired and sick? Consequently, yet another wave of nausea washed over her and Trixie had to run for the bathroom before Shelagh had even walked through the door. Shelagh was hot on Trixie's heals and held her hair back, just as Christopher had done that morning.

"Sorry," Trixie muttered once she had cleaned herself up and she began to busy herself in the kitchen making them both a cup of tea,

"Trixie, how long has this been happening?" Shelagh said with a bit more sternness than intended.

"Just over two weeks, possibly longer," Trixie admitted, unable to meet Shelagh's eye.

"And how often are you vomiting?"

"It varies, sometimes only once a day, others it can be five times a day." Shelagh noted how Trixie grimaced as she opened the milk to pour into the tea, she couldn't help but smile, it was one of the first signs she herself was pregnant. She took the milk off Trixie and indicated that she should sit down.

"And making a cup of tea is seemingly impossible?" Shelagh continued to question as she placed a black cup of tea in front of Trixie "And you fear your new addiction is going to be milk-less tea?" Trixie could only laugh in response.

"Trixie, when was your last cycle?" Shelagh's tone shifted slightly.

"11 weeks ago," was all Trixie could say.

"Do you think you're pregnant?" Shelagh took Trixie's hand as she spoke.

"Do you?"

"Yes." Shelagh watched as for the first time Trixie accepted the way in which her life was about to change.


	2. Chapter 2

Following Shelagh's visit Trixie had gone to Doctor Turner to have her pregnancy confirmed, yet still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell Christopher, she didn't want him to know until she was completely certain. Doctor Turner had confirmed the news just before she was due to start her shift, and while helping a new mother being life into the world Trixie couldn't help but think about how in a mere few months time that would be her. By the end of her shift she was exhausted, physically, emotionally and mentally.

When she arrived back at Nonnatus following the labour Trixie decided to get a couple of hours sleep, knowing trying to cycle home when so exhausted would be foolish. However, when she reached the room that she called her own for so many years she couldn't help the nostalgia she felt. So much had changed in a mere few years and Trixie still had to occasionally pinch herself to make sure the life she was living now wasn't a dream. Without realising Trixie found that she had wondered over to the mirror, she reached out and gently placed her hand on the glass in front of her, as if she was reaching out to her former self one last time. It was here that she finally let the news given to her by Doctor Turner sink in, it was here that she finally let fear slip away and be replaced by hope.

"I'm pregnant," Trixie whispered to herself, she had lost count of the number of times she had stood in front of the same mirror and each time a different version of herself seemed to be reflected back. The scared Nurse, fiancée, the alcoholic, the broken woman, the strong woman, the wife, and now the mother.

"I'm pregnant," she said the words a little louder this time, they became more real which each syllable.

"I'm pregnant," at the third utterance of the words her hands instinctively rested on her stomach and her eyes followed, gazing at the bump that was yet to form, she still couldn't believe a life was growing there.

"Say it again," Trixie looked back up to the mirror and noticed her reflection was no longer alone. She locked eyes with Christopher's in the mirror as she said the words for a fourth time.

"I'm pregnant," this time the words echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls, filling every corner with joy. Christopher's hands joined Trixie's on her stomach as they stood in silence, both staring at the best versions of themselves in the mirror.

"You're pregnant," Christopher finally broke the silence, "we're going to be parents." Trixie simply turned in his arms and nodded into his shoulder, finally letting the tears of joy slide down her cheeks. Eventually she pulled away and gently wiped Christopher's own tears with the pads of her thumbs before letting her hand rest on his cheek, caressing it gently. She was about to ask him whether he was happy about it, whether he was ready to be a Father again, whether it was too soon. But the moment she looked into his eyes and saw the flecks of green dance with the brown she knew she didn't need to. When she finally broke away from his gaze she glanced around the room once more and it suddenly dawned on her, that she was in her old room, in a convent, with a man, she couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it.

"And what's so funny Mrs Dockerill?" Christopher queried as Trixie broke into a fit of giggles she couldn't control.

"It's just," she gasped, trying to catch her breath, "we're in a convent, in my old room, alone, how on earth did you get past the Nuns?" Christopher's laugh joined hers then, he hadn't even thought that it could be considered inappropriate, they were married after all.

"It's nothing we haven't done before,"

"Christopher," Trixie scolded, but the way in which her lips curved up into a smile told him that she was also remembering the times that he would sneak into her room when the Nuns were in compline, remembering the kisses stolen, the flushed cheeks when things had got a little more heated than intended and the nights he simply held her when she needed it.

"Well, I arrived looking for you as I didn't want you to cycle home, you looked so tired this morning," Christopher started, with more affection in his voice than Trixie could ever believe a man would hold for her, "and was told by Sister Julienne that you'd gone for a lie down, when I told her you hadn't been feeling well she sent me up immediately, but I was under strict instruction to be back down in 15 minutes, however I think if we told her why she'd understand why we've taken so long up here." Trixie's eyes darkened slightly at his words.

"No," she simply stated, shocking him a little. "I'd rather we didn't tell people, just for now." Seeing the fear etched on Trixie's face Christopher knew he had to respect his wife's wishes, no matter how much he wanted to climb to the top of Nonnatus and shout it from the roof tops. He took Trixie's hand and held it over his heart.

"Our little secret," he whispered.

"Well, and Doctor Turner's and Shelagh's," Trixie added tentatively, causing Christopher to shake his head and laugh slightly.

"Come on it's time we got you home, if you're carrying our future little footballer in there you're going to need plenty of rest."

"I'm fine Christopher, but our future ballerina wouldn't so no to a cup of tea on the sofa, curled up next to her favourite man," Trixie responded with an eyebrow raised. Christopher knew when an argument was lost so he simply laced his fingers with Trixie's and lead her to the car, ready to grant his wife her every wish.

Unbeknown to them, Shelagh watched as the pair left the convent, hand in hand, heart in heart. She didn't need to ask if Trixie had told him, she knew. She knew from the way in which they walked a little slower than usual, from the way in which Christopher couldn't help but let his eyes wander to Trixie's stomach and the way in which she blushed every time she caught him and the way in which their eyes locked in understanding. She knew because it was exactly how she and Patrick had been when she first told him of her pregnancy.

"Do you miss it?" a voice suddenly whispered in her ear as a pair of arms circled her from behind, instantly she relaxed back into Patrick's embrace.

"I know our family is complete now, more so than I ever believed it could be, but I do miss the excitement of the early days, the anticipation of something new on the horizon," Shelagh replied rather wistfully. Patrick nodded in understanding. He placed a kiss into her hair, which he then followed by another, eventually trailing down until his lips reached her neck.

"If it's excitement you're looking for Mrs Turner," his voice had gone an octave lower and Shelagh knew exactly where his mind was now. She turned in his arms and pulled away slightly, but didn't quite leave his arms.

"Patrick Turner, we are at work, in a convent, the convent where I used to be a Nun no less." Shelagh's eyes darted around the room as she spoke, petrified that one of the Nurses, or Sister Julienne had overheard them, confirming the coast was clear she leaned a little closer to Patrick, her breath ghosting against his ear as she spoke. "You will get your excitement…later." And after a final peck to his lips she left Patrick stood in the middle of the convent trying to hide the way in which his cheeks had suddenly turned crimson.


	3. Chapter 3

By the end of her third month of pregnancy the nausea Trixie had experienced on almost a daily basis had finally began to dissipate, much to her relief. However, despite reaching this milestone Trixie still could not bring herself to let anyone else in on the news. She'd told the staff at Nonnatus that she had been experiencing a sickness bug, as not to arouse suspicion, however given the nature of their work that was becoming increasingly difficult. Over lunch one-day Barbara had asked whether it could be something more. However Patrick, who'd stopped by that day on his lunch break as he needed to discuss paperwork, was quick to intervene.

"I'm afraid Nurse Dockerill just needs to steer away from certain foods while we try to figure out what's causing this sickness, recent research suggests wheat could be having an impact, but the tests have shown it's nothing more than that, I can assure you Barbara, no need to worry yourself," he had asserted, followed by a quick apology about patient confidentiality, however the relief on Trixie's face had told him he'd done exactly the right thing.

Now at just over 3 months pregnant Trixie stood in front of the mirror examining herself from every angle. There was just a slight bulge to her stomach which was only noticeable to the trained eye, and her uniform thankfully hid it, for now. She knew that in time her tight fitted dresses would have to be pushed to the back of the wardrobe to be replaced by loose fitted ones, that were utterly unflattering. A thought Trixie couldn't quite face.

"We're going to have to tell people soon," Christopher's voice pulled Trixie out of her reverie. "That uniform won't fit you for much longer."

"Well it fits for now," Trixie snapped back, a touch more anger in her voice than intended.

"I'm simply saying that it might be time to start letting people in on the good news darling." He tried to reach for Trixie as he spoke but she pushed past him and headed towards the door, not allowing him so much as a kiss on the cheek.

"And I'm simply saying that I don't want to tell people yet."

"Trixie, you are three months pregnant for goodness sake. This isn't just about you, this is my child too, I should be able to tell people how excited I am. I should be able to tell my own daughter that soon she will have a new brother or sister. You're having a baby Trixie, we're having a baby Trixie. And I feel like you're not acknowledging that." Christopher's voice rose with every word spoken, he'd agreed they'd wait until the three-month mark to start telling people, but now, at almost 16 weeks Trixie showed no signs of wanting to let others in on their news.

"I am very aware that I am pregnant thank you very much. I just not ready to tell people and I don't know why you can't accept that." Trixie shouted back as she slammed the front door shut leaving Christopher stood in their house alone at a complete loss as to what to do.

It was hours until Trixie's shift was due to begin yet once she'd left the house she couldn't bring herself to turn back, she knew her anger would lead her to saying something she'd regret, and she was too emotionally wrung out to face another argument. She knew that going to Nonnatus wouldn't be an option either; the tears would take too much explaining, something she was not yet ready for. As the temperature began to drop in the late morning fog, Trixie knew she couldn't just wonder around aimlessly for hours. So, she walked to the only place she knew she wouldn't have to explain herself, to the only person who would understand.

Shelagh had been sat on the sofa with a cup of tea in hand and a book resting on her lap when a knock on the door disturbed her precious peace. She considered not answering it; a sick Teddy had kept her awake for most the night and though used to functioning on a mere few hours' sleep she was rather thankful when Patrick had insisted he could manage at the surgery alone that morning so she could get a few hours' rest now that Teddy had finally succumbed to sleep. However, the knocking became more insistent and Shelagh knew that if she didn't answer it soon Teddy would wake and any faint hope she had of getting any sleep that morning would be gone. She was hoping it was merely a sales person that she could get rid of quickly. What she did not anticipate was finding Trixie at the door, hair and uniform soaked from the rain that had started to pour and more mascara on her cheeks than eyelashes. When Trixie stood frozen on the spot, Shelagh reached for her hand and lead her inside. The contact seemed to pull Trixie out of her trance and she practically fell into Shelagh's arms and finally let her emotions take over as she sobbed into Shelagh's shoulder.

Eventually Trixie pulled away and looked rather sheepishly at Shelagh, slightly embarrassed at her outpouring of emotions, something which she usually reserved for when she was alone.

"Sorry," Trixie practically laughed, "I turn up here and start crying without even a hello and I appear to have interrupted your morning off, gosh I'm sorry Shelagh, my hormones are all over the place. I'll be right off and let you get back to your book." Trixie was stopped by Shelagh placing her hand on her arm as she attempted to walk off as if nothing had happened. One look in Trixie's eyes told Shelagh that this was more than hormones. But she also knew Trixie, she knew she needed to time to compose herself, to figure out why she had sought her out and to simply have a few moments alone.

"Trixie Dockerill, if you think I'm letting you walk home in the freezing cold and wearing wet clothing while three months pregnant then you are very much mistaken" Trixie couldn't help but break into a smile at the way Shelagh had shifted to her Sister Bernadette tone. "I don't know why you're laughing, the last thing you need right now is to get ill."

"I'm sorry Shelagh, but you sounded just like Sister Bernadette then."

"Well she and I aren't exactly separate entities, and you know better than to argue with her," Trixie frowned a little at that, she knew when she'd been outmanoeuvred. Shelagh softened her tone as she continued. "Bathroom is on the second right, there's some clean towels in there. Go and get yourself cleaned up and out of that wet uniform, it'll do you no good. I'll go and see if I can find you some clothes. I'll leave them on the bed in my room, the room to the left of the bathroom, come down when you're ready."

It was twenty minutes later before Trixie emerged from the bathroom and joined Shelagh in the living room. A cup of tea and slice of almond sponge were waiting for her, the simple gesture made her eyes fill with tears once more. Shelagh was quick to grab a handkerchief and wipe them away before Trixie could ruin her perfectly reapplied mascara once more.

"Are you going to tell me what all these tears are about?"

"I'm having a baby Shelagh, I think you know better than anyone that even I don't know what I'm crying about," Trixie's voice became more strained with each syllable, she knew Shelagh was unconvinced. Instead of responding Shelagh simply took Trixie's hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze, encouraging Trixie to open up.

"I'm scared Shelagh," Trixie eventually sighed, the moment the words rolled of her tongue relief swept over her, she didn't realise how comforting it would be to finally voice her fears. "I'm scared I'll make a terrible mother, I'm scared something will happen to this one before it's even born,"

"Trixie," Shelagh interrupted. "So far you have had a textbook pregnancy, you are the epitome of health, you exercise and eat well, there's nothing to suggest anything will go wrong. You need to learn to trust your body, and should anything at all go wrong, you know Dr Turner and I will be there in an instant." Trixie seemed comforted by her words, she knew while her fears were rational, for every mother had them, by dwelling on them she'd cause herself greater problems. "But that's not what you're really worried about is it?" Trixie shook her head in response.

"I'm only three months pregnant and already I'm seeing the changes to my body," Trixie's shoulders slumped as she spoke.

"Your body is adapting, preparing itself to bring life into the world, you should appreciate every moment of that, not fear it."

"But, I can't control it. My body is the one thing I've learnt to control. I started Keep Fit because I lost control of myself, of the amount of alcohol I was consuming, of the direction in which I was allowing myself to go. Sobriety was the best thing that happened to me because it taught me to take control again. I took control of alcohol and starting Keep Fit allowed control of my body. Now I don't have that control, what if I slip into my old ways again? What if I harm my baby by doing so?" Trixie had become fixated with an image on the wall as she spoke, too scared to look at Shelagh in case she thought badly of her. Shelagh simply pulled her friend closer, allowing a now exhausted Trixie to lean into her side.

"I have known you for many a year Trixie, and in all the years I've known you I've never been as proud of you as I am now. You've grown up and found your way in life and you've found your strength. I know you're scared, more so now than you ever have been in your life. But I don't believe for one second that you will turn to the bottle to solve your fears, and I don't believe you truly think that either." Shelagh rubbed comforting circles on Trixie's back as she spoke, much like she did with Angela when she curled into her in this way. Eventually Trixie's breathing evened out as her cries subsided and tiredness began to seep into every bone in her body.

"Thank you," was all Trixie could utter in response, fighting a yawn as she did so and allowed her eyes to close for just a second. Shelagh couldn't bear to move her once she realised Trixie had fallen asleep, so instead she held her tightly and sent a prayer to the Lord asking him to help Trixie find the strength she knew she had within her, before finally succumbing to her own tiredness.


	4. An Interlude

It was Teddy's cries that eventually roused Shelagh from her slumber but before she had even had chance to move the cries had subsided and Trixie's hushed tones echoed throughout the house. She looked up to find Trixie cradling Teddy and within moments laughter filled the room as she smattered kisses across his forehead.

"You're a natural Trixie," Shelagh said as she continued to watch the pair. The sound of Shelagh's voice caught Teddy's attention and he immediately became disinterested in Trixie and reached for his mother, finally content when he was nestled in her arms.

"I'm not too sure about that, but at least I have six months to get some practice in," Trixie laughed, busying herself with clearing the abandoned cups of tea.

"Well you're more than welcome to come and babysit any time you want, I love my children but a night of peace with my husband every now and then wouldn't go a miss." Trixie feigned shock at Shelagh's words, immediately causing her to blush. "That's not what I meant and you know it Trixie."

"I am a married woman, I know exactly what a night of peace with your husband means."

"Well I'm not saying that wouldn't be nice too, but on the subject of you being a married woman you should get home and make a mends with your husband," Shelagh started, watching as Trixie's face fell, she couldn't avoid it for much longer.

"I've got work" she responded meekly.

"You're not scheduled to be on shift for until nine," Trixie opened her mouth to question how Shelagh knew her shift patterns but Shelagh pre-empted the question, "I've been keeping up with your shifts to make sure you're not over working yourself. And on that subject I'll be talking to Sister Julienne soon to ensure you're not put on any more night shifts, you need your rest. But, you've got at least six hours until you need to be at Nonnatus. Go home."

"You're not going to make me regret choosing you as my midwife are you?" Trixie giggled

"Midwife?" Shelagh questioned, her eyebrow arching.

"I need someone I trust by my side," Trixie replied, a hint of nervousness seeping into her tone. Shelagh simply took Trixie's hand in her own and lifted her chin so that she could look her in the eye.

"I would be honoured to be your midwife Trixie." Neither could help the tears that formed then. Trixie pulled Shelagh into a tight embrace before whispering endless words of thanks. She started the day scared and feeling alone within a sea of people. Now she was filled with a quiet confidence that her pregnancy would be okay, that she and Christopher would be the perfect team to bring a child up into an ever-changing world, and safe in the knowledge that the greatest midwife, and her oldest friend would be by her side every step of the way.


End file.
